Its almost 5 a.m. and I have been awake for 3 hours. I have been missing Earl so much lately. It seems so many things have happened that remind me of him and everything that we would do together. As far as I know not to many people read my blog, so I decided to VENT on here.
The last dog that Earl and I owned in NY died this week and while I was burying her. I couldn't help thinking that it was Earl's job to take care of this part.
The girls start homeschool this week. Earl would have been teasing them and getting their dander up and Beth would have been teasing him that he still had to work.
Please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have Earl back to be in pain for any reason, its just all my dreams included him and his dreams. And lately I just don't know what to do now that my dream has died. I never dreamed that the loneliness would be this horrible. I try very hard to be upbeat for our girls because they need to be happy and remember their Daddy with laughter not tears. I was thinking the other day about how when you walk down memory lane and tell stories your husband backs you up and helps you remember the details.
My brother came and got Earls guns to hunt with them this fall, Earl was hoping to get a deer this year. And he wanted to teach the girls how to hunt, especially rabbits. He thought that Sammi would be the best hunter and he didn't know about Suzy yet. Our last hunting trip consisted of me trying to push the stroller through the brush while he's 100 yards down the trail hollering for help with the dog. I wound up calling my brother and his friend to come helps us. We didn't get the dog till 2 days later.
Those that say "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", should try it. THough I wouldn't give up my memories at all. I just wish we could have made more of them.
Enough venting, its not helping, but I do love my Early and I miss him terribly.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The guys fixing the tarp on the roof at Vermontville.
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