Its almost 5 a.m. and I have been awake for 3 hours. I have been missing Earl so much lately. It seems so many things have happened that remind me of him and everything that we would do together. As far as I know not to many people read my blog, so I decided to VENT on here.
The last dog that Earl and I owned in NY died this week and while I was burying her. I couldn't help thinking that it was Earl's job to take care of this part.
The girls start homeschool this week. Earl would have been teasing them and getting their dander up and Beth would have been teasing him that he still had to work.
Please don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have Earl back to be in pain for any reason, its just all my dreams included him and his dreams. And lately I just don't know what to do now that my dream has died. I never dreamed that the loneliness would be this horrible. I try very hard to be upbeat for our girls because they need to be happy and remember their Daddy with laughter not tears. I was thinking the other day about how when you walk down memory lane and tell stories your husband backs you up and helps you remember the details.
My brother came and got Earls guns to hunt with them this fall, Earl was hoping to get a deer this year. And he wanted to teach the girls how to hunt, especially rabbits. He thought that Sammi would be the best hunter and he didn't know about Suzy yet. Our last hunting trip consisted of me trying to push the stroller through the brush while he's 100 yards down the trail hollering for help with the dog. I wound up calling my brother and his friend to come helps us. We didn't get the dog till 2 days later.
Those that say "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", should try it. THough I wouldn't give up my memories at all. I just wish we could have made more of them.
Enough venting, its not helping, but I do love my Early and I miss him terribly.
4 comments:
Aunt Jayme, Im so sorry you are having such a hard week as you travel down memory lane. I can't say I knnow EXACTLY what you are going through, and dont pretend to either. He was part of my family, and for that I too am saddened at the loss- I feel that much. I trust and pray that God will wrap his arms around you tightly as you seem to be struggling. It is ok to cry, Aunt Jayme..it's actually healthy to every once in a while. Keep encouraged, because I know you are a strong person. God will never leave you nor foraske you.. keep your faith in him, even in the darkest of times. Love ya :)
We think of you and pray for you daily Aunt Jayme. We love you and the girls!
EARL was special to all of us. You and your girls have a special place in our hearts also. I cannot even begin to realize how lonely you must feel at times. Our love and prayers are with you everyday.
We think of you often and know you have a great responsibilty on your shoulders.
Blessings on you,
David & Gladys
I think back to Earl and the day he called me to give me the news and then the next week when he called with the liver biop report. Some things you never forget where you were or what you were doing, when you found out something.I have thought of you and the girls so many times and know it isn't even possible to try to step into your shoes. I trust God will be very near to you during these sleepless morning hours and the times when memories and sadness overwhelm you! My heart is sad when memories come to me and the tears still flow. He will always be my "little brother" and I love his "little family" and continue to pray for you.
Love, Ruth & Ralph
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